I wish I could punch you in the face.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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