By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
