I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
