Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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