Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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