I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
