I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
