i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
