Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
