I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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