You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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