woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
