just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
