Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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