I wish I could punch you in the face.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize