Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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