So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
