If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
