I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
