I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Randomize
