I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
