Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
