so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
