S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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