sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
