I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
She bit a glass in half.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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