I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I wish you could order shots online.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
