I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I just want to make out with him forever
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize