So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
