There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize