I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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