There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
