I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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