I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
