yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
