if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Naked. naked and bneed help.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
