I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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