I have demons in me.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
