there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
