why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
