they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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