Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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