It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
