just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
