I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
