Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
sarcasm needs its own font
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize