My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
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