Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
It's blow job season.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
