I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
