There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Rumble strips road head = magical
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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