I'm jealous of your bromance
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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