I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize