Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
My liver just had a heart attack.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize