Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
