you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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