apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
