i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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