Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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