She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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