You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
