Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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