i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
