I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
