Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
