So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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