6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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