I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
