i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
