PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize