when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
