Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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