you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
