Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
