I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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