It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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