census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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