I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
