I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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