Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
