how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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