Dual....:-)
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
