I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
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