I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
