the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Randomize
