my shit smells like andre
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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