My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
