You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
