Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Randomize