New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Randomize
