The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
