The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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