Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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