Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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