So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I just googled if crying burns calories
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
