Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
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