i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
