stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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