I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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