She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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