I'm really into asian looking animals
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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