totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize